I’m In

You know when life is kind of crazy, and you’re holding it together, but the word crazy couldn’t be highlighted and underlined more than enough? Yeah, that’s me. Try buying a house, doing a renovation on it, starting a full time Master’s program, training for a half marathon, volunteering at church, and traveling 3 weekends out of the month all at once. All wrapped up into a little ‘ole month of September. I have had my share of what am I doing and how am I still doing this moments mixed with I have totally got this moments. Both happen multiple times a day.

And call me nuts, but I love it. It’s stretching me.

For the last two years I had to keep life relatively chill at the risk of a debilitating headache. My body, specifically if my head could feel squeezed tighter dictated my life. Otherwise I would have to lay in bed for hours recuperating from a simple errand or two. I look at my life now, I’m amazed. At how powerful the body is at healing. At how the human body can bounce back. At how God can take a little life like mine, do a work in it, and turn me out stronger, happier, and bolder than ever before.

So now I say yes to so much more than ever before. I’m finding that the more I say yes to the crazy plan that God has for me, the crazier it gets, and the more I love the thrill of it. A few years ago, I remember walking my dog in NYC and hearing God ask me: are you ready for what I have ahead of you? Strap on your seatbelt, because it’s going to be more than you ever imagined.

I said yes.

So I would have never imagined that a head injury and less than a handful of years later I would be living in a place like Colorado. Plopped into a community of wonderful people. Experiencing spiritual resistance all the time, because I’m finally diving head first into what God has for me without any hesitation.

You see, I lived life with a lot of fear. I let it make me take one step when I knew I should take two. I waited to jump sometimes too long and lost momentum. I let the parts of me that are meant to be free and fun and ridiculous be tamed by what I felt like I should do. Ugh, that word should. How about could instead?

I don’t go where I am going with all this, but perhaps it’s because today I realized something. For so long I took tests that said I was an introvert. I acted like one, and wanted to be one because my inner shell protected me from the big, scary world out there. But in the last weeks, months, and couple of years, the day I got my concussion was the day I started to change. It stole me away from a should life into a could life. A life where I started to say yes to God’s plans, even when they didn’t make sense. A life where I say yes even when it requires a little or a lot of sacrifice. Because all of that pales in comparison to the glory of God that it’s all done for.

A life where I use my voice, move freely, and run with abandon towards the calling that God has on my life. And I have a feeling that the adventure has just only begun, that I’ll go places I never imagined, and live a life I could have never anticipated but couldn’t have been more perfectly created for.

Here’s to whatever is ahead, but I’m in. To live life loud, to love even louder, and pursue my calling to the loudest.

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